February 24, 2012

Mid-Winter Miscellaneous Ramblings

It is a Friday and I am home sick. No, I am NOT working from home. I am sick, complete with fever, body aches, cough and runny nose. I only checked my work email twice and answered nobody, because I’m sick.

However, being sick does not mean I don’t feel the need to get things done. And I noticed I haven’t posted to Civil Servitude in a while, so here I am. The biggest reason I haven’t posted in a while is because I finally broke down and bought a new-to-me refurbished Dell computer to finally replace my decade-plus old workhorse. And I have realized that moving to a new computer is a lot like moving into a new house. I'm still unpacking boxes and trying to figure out which drawer to keep the silverware in.

And like any new house I have to figure out which color to paint the rooms, which equates to what backdrop to use as my desktop and whether or not I want shadows under my icons. You know, important crap like that. And then I upgraded my web editor software and I’m still trying to figure out how it works, when it works. It already crapped out on me once whilst writing this essay and is NOT instilling a lot of confidence as an "upgrade". It’s a lot like getting a new front load washer with your new house and realizing it doesn’t clean your clothes as good as the twenty-year-old washer you just sold on Craigslist to a guy who was replacing a new front load washer he seemed to hate for some unknown reason.

And then, to make matters worse, you suddenly find that your new high-tech, self-aware washer is using MORE water to wash the same amount of clothing. And the guy who bought your old washer is suddenly now making sense. And after the second load you realize that this new washer seems to hate you because it somehow knows which shirts are your favorites and is shredding every one of them while pretending to “wash” them. You suspect your washer hates you because its control panel, which is very high-tech with push buttons and menus and a computer interface, always displays “;-) ScrEw U” whenever you unload your freshly shredded shirts. This is every computer’s way of laughing manically.

And that’s what just happened to me while writing this essay – my web editing software froze and the computer did everything but flip me the bird! But, to my advantage, it forced me to rewrite part of this essay, thus making it a little bit funnier. At least I think so. You may not find it funny at all. I know my new computer doesn’t. And to that I say, “;-) ScrEw U” whilst laughing manically!

Anyway, like any new house one must also get familiar with the mechanicals of the new place, like the plumbing, heating, and cooling. This is the same as understanding new backup features or new software features. And like any other house, plumbing is plumbing and the poop simply has to flow downhill in order for it to go away, regardless of whether the pipes are new white PVC plastic or old black ABS plastic. I don’t care if the new “Backup And Restore” or “System” features are supposed to be friendlier or more pleasant to look at, do they just work? Poop simply needs to flow downhill and as long as it does I’m happy, regardless of the color or type of pipe carrying it.

But the biggest question about this new house?

How often will I have to unclog the toilets? Because I NEVER had to unclog the toilets under Windows XP! This new computer came loaded with Windows Vista and it has already caused me indigestion over seemingly trivial matters, which makes me think I will be doing a LOT more unclogging of the proverbial toilets in this place.

I hear rumors that Apple houses NEVER need their toilets unclogged and if they ever do the toilets unclog themselves, like magic! But I don’t believe it, which is why I will always have a plunger handy.

So all of this is a very long-winded way to explain why there have been no new postings at Civil Servitude in a few weeks, not that anyone noticed. Yes, it’s an excuse, but we’ve known each other long enough now that I feel I owe you the truth, and not some outlandish lie about me going on safari in Africa and getting mauled by a hyena whilst taking a poo or some other such tall tale.

Yes, I’ve been lazy while settling into my new place. And posting to Civil Servitude is sometimes a lot like cutting grass: I don’t really like to do it and it’s not something that I feel really needs to be done every week like clockwork. So I only really do it when I either feel like doing it or after I get tired of the neighbors shooting me dirty looks over what looks like a new crop of summer wheat growing up in my shaggy lawn.

Still trying to fix the broken shutters and paint the front porch!